is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
