my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
