Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
