The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
