friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
