Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
