turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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