he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
