It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
