I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
