Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Actions speak louder than pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
