God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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