I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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