Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
