I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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