i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
