3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
