craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
