just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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