You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had sex on a roof
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
