i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
