tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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