guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ladies don't puke and tell
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
