hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
