And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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