I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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