Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
