Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
