Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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