She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
