worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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