i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
