Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
