cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
