In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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