My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
