If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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