everyone is single if you try hard enough
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
