So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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