where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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