either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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