halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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