Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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