i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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