In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
as a side note pls kill me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
