I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
