I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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