We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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