last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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