College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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