my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
