Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
