yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
