if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
