I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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