My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
